The Daily Satan – Page 15 – No Line Drawn Sober

What Have You Done For Your Country?

February 23, 2025January 20, 2020

"Now you listen to me, goddamnit. This man has fought left wingers -- not in real life, on social media. But I'm telling ya, the guy retweets like it's nobody's business. And he's fuckin' OPEN CARRIED -- what? No, not in a war, in grocery stores. He can't join the army because he's too fat. He'll do anything for his country except exercise. But he has voted for OTHERS to go to war for him and -- Oh Jesus Christ. WHAT? No he doesn't want to pay more taxes to pay for the wars, he needs the money for iPads and shit. The point is -- the point is he's bought fuckin' bumper stickers. Alright? What have YOU done for your country?"

Gotta Wake Up For Work

February 23, 2025January 20, 2020

Gotta wake up for work in four hours... i’ll finish this one and go home.

Not That Muscle

February 23, 2025January 18, 2020

“Be here. be present. be mindful. focus on your breathing. relax every muscle in your body -- no jerry, no! not that muscle!”

Dick Johnson

February 23, 2025January 17, 2020

Dick Johnson, "The Man With A Two-Tipped Penis," started as a male prostitute and a sideshow attraction before reaching rockabilly stardom with the hits "Double Tippin'" and "My Baby Didn't Come (But I Did, Twice)."

Dick Anselmo

February 23, 2025January 16, 2020

Anselmo, the master pole builder, had chosen his craft solely because of the feedback it invited from the ladies. "Looks hard!" "Wow, Dick! Nice pole!" "Can I touch it?!" "It's so big!" Other guy: ~insecurity~

K-Boss

February 23, 2025January 15, 2020

2020 did not get off to a good start for aspiring e-sports superstar Kyle Bosworth, better known as "K-Boss." First, his mom asked him if he'd looked for a "real job"... ...Then his father - the only person who truly believed in him - suffered a heart-attack while carrying home Kyle's supply of adult diapers and energy drinks... ...And even Annie, the girlfriend he had met at an alt-right discussion forum, seemed to have her doubts about him. Did Michael Phelps have to deal with this shit? Or LeBron James? The life of an e-sports athlete wasn't easy. But it was a cross that K-Boss was willing to bear. For himself, for his family... For America.

Meanwhile in America…

February 23, 2025January 14, 2020

Woman: We Texas gals believe in big hair, big tits and big jesus! José: And big asses! Woman: You just fuck right back off to Mexico, José... We have a wall to keep the racists in and the rapists out!

Its Own Kind Of American Dream

February 23, 2025January 13, 2020

Larry arrived at the 2020 adult entertainment convention with a mission - He would find Miss July, have her sign her centerfold, and maybe - just maybe - during that brief interaction she would see the kindness in his heart and fall in love. It was, in its way, its own kind of American dream.

Meanwhile in Paris…

February 23, 2025January 12, 2020

Serge Gainsbourg went grocery shopping. Woman 1: Ooh-La La! Woman 2: I wish my husband was like that! Woman 3: Mon dieu! What a man!

Little Justin Junior

February 23, 2025January 8, 2020

Little Justin Junior had been spared the sight of a nipple or hearing "shit" on network television. He had also mastered the "triple beheader" special move on his Xbox. He was pure, uncorrupted. Protected by the federal communications commission.